CD Review
The Bad Apples
"Self Titled"

By Kevin McGoldrick, Staff Writer
©Copyright 2004 McGoldrick

"Freakin' lemons, ever since Mr. Yorke sucked on his lemon, everyone freakin' loves lemons."

Who was Granny Smith? An apple lovers question is finally answered in a long-winded journey and an Internet scurry to find the truth. Is she old, is she hip, is she Swedish, and does she eat apples all day long? To Granny Smith's web page I go and find the following quote in all its non-hip lingo, "I thought you would like to see my collection of Maple Leaf Cake Trays." This granny faker thought she could fool me, but apple lover that I am I knew better than. I'm then attracted to a page with a blaspheming rage, "Granny Smith's started out as a wonderful food product. I just don't think the generic version found in the grocery stores these days is anywhere near the quality of those introduced into the market 15-20 years ago. I certainly know that I don't buy them anymore." This granny hater tried to distract me, but apple lover that I am I knew better than. And now I come across this album that in its name should not be associated with anything in the Granny Smith vein.

What are bad apples to us, but rotting flesh falling from a tree. Who wants to listen to rotting flesh and yet I do nonetheless. So what are in the Bad Apples seeds that have caused them to reproduce brilliantly with offspring the like of the tasty and ripe Stereotypes? Like a Man of War of horse breeding lore, do the Bad Apples represent a giant, a genetic big man, or an inbred and genetically impotent also-ran?

On first glance these munchkins are on a break from their day in LaLa Land and their place in the elephant six collective rat race. But when they play in the Garage and add in a bit of the Swedish from mage, it's a straight up, full on musical barrage. As an apple lover I was not too disappointed. But I have heard it before in the Nuggets collection for one; a regurgitation of the raw pop mindset, the Beatles in a 70's post-Beatles run. An element of the Hives and the Hellacopters finally arrives and the Bad Apples in Stereo begin their cultural dive.

So what does it all mean? Do they do justice to the fruit they represent, or are they of the genetically impotent.

Moby Grape
The Deep Banana Blackout
Cherry Poppin Daddies
A.P.P.L.E (All Punks Please Leave Earth)
Tangerine Dream
Moldy Peaches
(Bad Apples)?????

In the end I will just refrain from speaking on bands and the fruit to which they claim to represent. But I will speak to the topic of Granny Smith and the history. Was she Swedish? Was she hip? This much is known, she was born in the 1920's to sunny Aussie days and her brother Lenny. But contrary to apple lore and any popular song, I was wrong she didn't in fact eat apples all day long.